From now on you shall be called ‘Brian that is called Brian’.
“
| — | Life of Brian |
Therefore, my three main policy priorities are: 1) War with France; 2) Tougher sentences for geography teachers; and 3) A right royal kick up the Prince’s backside!
“
| — | Pitt the Younger - Blackadder the Third. |
Captain Blackadder: Baldrick, what are you doing out there?
Private Baldrick: I'm carving something on a bullet, sir.
Captain Blackadder: What are you craving?
Private Baldrick: I'm carving "Baldrick", sir.
Captain Blackadder: Why?
Private Baldrick: It's part of a cunning plan, sir.
Captain Blackadder: Of course it is.
Private Baldrick: You know how they say that somewhere there's a bullet with your name on it?
Captain Blackadder: Yes?
Private Baldrick: Well I thought that if I owned the bullet with my name on it, I'll never get hit by it. Cause I'll never shoot myself...
Captain Blackadder: Oh, shame!
Private Baldrick: And the chances of there being *two* bullets with my name on it are very small indeed.
Captain Blackadder: Yes, it's not the only thing that is "very small indeed". Your brain for example, is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.
Permission to write home immediately sir, this is the first brilliant plan a Baldrick’s ever had! For centuries we’ve tried, and they’ve always turned out total pig swill!
“
| — | Blackadder Goes Forth. |
There’s no way Steve could hack it here. He goes home to his mum and dad’s when he’s got a cold.
“
| — | An Idiot Abroad. |
